I missed Five Minute Friday yesterday, so it's a Five Minute Saturday Morning, if ya don't mind. Linking up to Gypsy Mama, to just write for five minutes and not worry about whether it is just right. Grace.
It is too far. I am too far. And I wonder if it will ever feel like home.
Home that is 2200 miles away and then some. Home in the hearts, too, that are so far from here. Home because I fit there and it is like me and I am like it. Home because my heart-seeds are scattered there and heart-songs sing there like the fog and sunshine and the very day.
And I am far removed.
This distant place… this new landscape… is many things but it hurts to call it home. It feels like treason to find home here… yet. Here, where April scorches hot and flowers wither from lack of rain and salty ground-water thick with chlorine. Here, where today we will splash in pools while those at home will re-wrap neck scarves and breathe into hands to warm icy fingertips. Home is cold and ice now and most days I feel the chill, even here in this searing sun.
And yet, what is home? Really? Don’t I have all the proper makings of it, here? Aren’t my children hugged and husband kissed and prayers whispered and bed made and coffee drank here? Isn’t home simply that: Being wherever you are?
I used to think I could bring home along with me, pack it up tight and carry it around inside, but some days I’m not sure. Some days I forget that April sun is a gift and I long for pine trees and lakes and an end to the miles between me and home, when my strength crumples and I forget what it means to be home.
I think we all want to carry home with us, hold it tight and never let the image fade (so that we don't have to change). But maybe it's part of the open hands to God, letting Him give us home where we go, letting home shift under our feet. Maybe it's about remembering that home is Him. Your thoughts inspire me!
ReplyDeleteHilary
Home has always been hard for me since we moved several times while I was growing up. But it was always in the deep south, so even moving from an hour away from the Gulf to northern Mississippi was a major change for me. Though it has been nearly three years since I married, I still consider being with my parents as "home," even with my little family growing. I agree with Hilary...home has to be Him, has to be eternity. Otherwise, this feeling of always moving, always leaving, always going becomes a burden. When life is seen as a way of getting "home" to heaven, the burden becomes more of a blessing. Maybe it really is about the journey rather than the destination. :)
ReplyDeleteYou write so beautifully! Home is such a difficult concept somedays. Somedays it's where your heart is. Other days it's where the landscape is familiar. And underlying it all is the thought that home is a place I will be one day--but not yet--we're not ready for each other.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my site. I hope we get to visit back and forth often.
Your 5 minute Fridays are really good. I especially liked "If You Met Me".
ReplyDeleteI love reading your 5 minute Fridays, there is so much said in such little time. Thank you for sharing! Your words are beautifully scripted.
ReplyDeleteSweet and sad. I can feel your heart in this post. I like what Jeniffer said about Heaven being home and that being a blessing. Since I have always stayed close-ish to where I grew up, I don't have this struggle. I am sure I would if I moved out of Texas. I pray that you will find home in the Lord. That goes with you everywhere! :) Lisa~
ReplyDeleteLike the above comments have already shared, I have enjoyed reading your 5 minute fridays. Thank you for stopping in over at my blog, Knit Together - it's nice to hear from another Texan (or recent Texan transplant! :))
ReplyDeleteReading through your blog, along with your comment letting me know that you live outside Beeville leads me to believe you might be associated with the Texas Baptist Children's Home? We have ties to this organization that go way back. I know you are blessing many with your thankful spirit and sweet service to Christ.
Sarah
"Isn’t home simply that: Being wherever you are?" I like that. I'm pretty good at about it, but every so often there's an ache I can only attribute to the desire for that other place.
ReplyDeleteYou write so beautifully! Home is such a difficult concept somedays. Somedays it's where your heart is. Other days it's where the landscape is familiar. And underlying it all is the thought that home is a place I will be one day--but not yet--we're not ready for each other.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my site. I hope we get to visit back and forth often.
Your 5 minute Fridays are really good. I especially liked "If You Met Me".
ReplyDelete