It is blue dawn now, and a layer of ice glistens from atop
the deck railing, wispy fog streaking the landscape like pulled-apart cotton
balls. Quiet settles out there and in
here, and I lay my arm in a drizzle of pancake syrup and pronounce it good. After all, this is home.
So that seems to be my word, this year, having never done
the word-for-a-year trend before, but heavy on my heart this January that life,
this go 'round, needs a bit of definition, some pronouncement upon it for the
next few hundred days. I asked Him for a
word, to settle something into my heart, and he gave me one.
Home.
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And yet, I fought it.
It wasn't very profound. Shouldn't
this be the year of Giving or of Grace or Faith? The year of Prayer or Simplify or Grow or Fly?
I wanted to Dream, to Create, to experience the depth of Peace this year.
You can, He said.
At Home.
So even as my friends erase my address book entry for the 21st
time in 15 years, I settle into a season of home. Of learning that of all the things I strive to
be, the who I am at home is the who I was most created to be.
And while this sounds so warm and fuzzy, it's more of a
difficult concept for me than for most, I suspect. I am rather domestically disabled, at times,
but heap upon the expectation that my home be perfect…warm and inviting and
filled with creativity and love and delicately hung window treatments that
perfectly frame the world beyond. The
world where I can be somebody and I
want to make a difference for all those people out there, in the world, and my
sights can grow long and distant and far too grand, sometimes, with the idea
that if I could only be good and perfect, I might earn peace and grace.
But I am somebody already, nearly everything to a few little
hearts and a big one here and there are walls that contain all I really need to
do or be in this wide world, and it starts, I know, right here, at home.
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Linking to:
First of all, dude, is that your table? If so, I LOVE it. It looks perfect.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, I think I'm just now starting to realize that for the most part, if people come to visit, they come to see me/Lizzy/Justin, not the house. I try to keep it clean, but that realization has freed up a little guilt on my part if there's a big heap of clothes at the end of the hallway or a stack of dishes in the sink!
So happy for you that you have a space to learn and grow in that's all yours this year!
No, Meredith, it's not my table - I wish! Found it on Pinterest, but it has Ryan and my initials on it, so it worked. ;)
ReplyDeleteMy dining table is currently a$3 thrifted table that I rescued with some spray paint, and its in major need of an overhaul. Some day. :)
And yes, it is so freeing when we realize that our home doesn't have to please others, it only has to be a loving atmosphere where our families can live and grow.
Thanks for coming by, and I was so excited with your good news!
Love this, Cara! We too have moved 6 times in our mere 4 years of marriage. It has so hard to be uprooted time and time again, but at the same time, it can also be comfortable, familiar. I find that it makes me less willing to get really close to people sometimes, you know? Happy to see you blogging again! and love that you are Home.
ReplyDeleteWelcome home. It's a good word, one etched deeply into our hearts.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I love this line -- "...wispy fog streaking the landscape like pulled-apart cotton balls."
ReplyDeleteSecond, I totally TOUCHED the screen as if I could feel the heart carving on your table.
And that made me realize...how much that one little pic reminded me of you - real, tangible....and how "at home" I felt with you from the moment I opened your page {url} and then from the moment I walked into your hotel room {irl}. You ARE that kind of person whether you realize it or not. And I for one, cannot WAIT to come and sit with you in our home and get syrup on my arms too -- that sounds about perfect! ;-)
P.S. So I realize that it is NOT your table but it is YOU...and all the sentiments are the same....!!
ReplyDeleteLove it, Cara, and that last paragraph. Yes. that all we need and are already is, and here we are in the midst of it still becoming. So excited to see this year of home unfold around you & grow right up out of your heart. Love you, Cara!
ReplyDeleteThis made me smile! Sounds like you need to take a chisel to that table, Cara. :)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this post... love your writing! Home can mean so much... the Lord at home in your heart, you in His. All the beauty and hope and peace He brings to your dwelling...joy in creating warmth there. My word...at least as far as writing goes right now...seems to be wonder. That his wonder is all around us in everyday moments. May you find that there in your home too! :)
ReplyDeleteI adore your word! I wish you the best of luck as you pursue it this year! Happy 2012!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I've also chosen Home as my OLW. My goal is to turn our house into a home. I still have boxes from moving in 2 years ago that need unpacking!.... all the ornamental stuff that says it's our home.
ReplyDelete