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I am living out of a suitcase.
My three children are sharing a full-size bed and just about all of our belongings are shoved in a 10’ x 20’ storage unit, balanced dangerously and teetering hither and yon. To make it worse, we unloaded the moving truck in the dark and several of the items that were meant to stay out of storage (um, like, checkbooks and passports, business cards and stamps, conference tickets and cute dresses and school supplies) were packed away and buried in the rubble... and no luck so far on trying to retrieve any of it without completely unpacking the darn thing.
This is unnerving, especially because, after much scramble
regarding employment here in Oregon, we’ve determined that, although we are
blessed beyond measure to both be gainfully employed (and for me to work at
home – hallelujah!), for several reasons, we’re better off staying put at my mother-in-law’s house
for awhile.
Like, staying a few months when I was really banking
on (and packing for) a few weeks.
I am having a hard time rolling with the punches on this
one.
Not because I don’t like being here. Actually, I love, love, love my
in-laws and couldn’t really think of any place I’d rather have to shack up like
teenage parents (which, for the record, we're decades away from being). But living in someone else's home goes against my very
strong instinct to nest (no, I’m not pregnant) and putz about, fluffing this and straightening that, hanging curtains and wall decor, introducing my DIY-creations to their proper locations... and making a home. And my guilty conscience makes it hard to feel like I'm okay here, that I'm not being a burden, or stepping on toes, or creating a hassle for anyone.
The antidote to living in transition is, for
me, to settle down and make a home.
Alas, I cannot.
This year, I will probably not get to decorate my home for
Christmas. I will not bake in my own
kitchen, or set up my office to watch my kids run around the back yard while I
work. I will find, several times every
day, that the outfit or nail polish or legal document I desperately need is
packed away and I’ll have to live without it.
A few tears were shed when I realized that my Bible,
devotional, current Bible study, and favorite commentary also managed to get (accidentally)
packed away. Six days without my Bible
was remedied by six bucks at a local bookstore, and had me sniffing the pages
and holding the thing close to my heart, soaking up the Scriptures even with
closed covers, filling with the words inside like osmosis, gripping the
paperback make-do like the precious possession that it is.
I’ll be heading to Relevant ’11 in a few weeks, and, bummer,
despite my plans for a put-together-girl on display, it looks like I’ll have to
head out there with just the comfy clothes I had packed for a few weeks at
grandmas. No high heels. No cute jewelry. Some jeans, my camera, and a pair of gray Chuck
Taylor’s are about all I’ll wind up there with, I’m afraid. You’ll love me anyway, won’t you?
I’m taking the opportunity to prove to myself all the things
I can live without when I really need to, to count it blessing that we have
this opportunity and that our belongings are only temporarily in storage and
not incinerated in a house fire, or vandalized in a burglary. It’s all only stuff, after all. So I’ll rejoice in less cooking and house
cleaning for the time (since I have others to share that responsibility with
here). It will be good for my soul, too,
to go to Relevant without knowing anyone, and wearing no disguise – just me,
myself, and my Chucks to show y’all the real Slim Shady Whimsy Smitten, in my grubby-girl finest. Something tells me I’ll be welcomed with open
arms anyway, and that, my friends, will do a girl good.
Counting, still numberless, today, all the gifts that keep
on giving. Linking up with Ann, and all the others counting, counting away.
-
Husband, hired!
-
Starting work myself soon (later this
week, probably).
-
The graciousness of my in-laws.
-
Our anniversary on Thursday, six years of
marriage, ten years together.
-
Reading A Confident Heart by Renee
Swope.
-
An opportunity to learn more about
simplicity.
-
Conference tickets that are re-printable.
-
Being able to afford a plane ticket to Pennsylvania
-
A beautiful drive this weekend, soaking
up the beauty here I’ve missed for so long.
-
Discovering an omission error in my
husband’s veteran’s benefits documentation that will be $150 in our favor every
single month for the rest of my husband’s life.
-
My kids absolutely loving being at their
new/old school.
-
Hot, middle-of-the-afternoon coffee, and
weather chilly enough to enjoy it.
-
So much peace and family time, lately.
-
My kids, getting to spend time on a
regular basis now with their grandparents and great-grandparents.
-
Our boys back in Texas
-
Returning to our home church again
yesterday.
-
Big, busy dinners, full of laughter… and lots
of leftovers.
-
Provision, in all the ways it comes.
hi Cara!
ReplyDeletei popped over from the comment you left--thanks for visiting and for your kind words.
loved this post--a few parts i was chuckling at and even though i wanted to laugh, i couldn't because i was just so mesmerized by your writing.
i loved celebrating six years of marriage, because i believe in the sacredness of marriage, and we just celebrated our (11th) anniversary as well! happy anniversary!
blessings new friend!
Nacole
Greetings Cara, I'm so glad I found you through Ann today. You may be feeling a little out of sync with the place you're in and the things you're missing, but you certainly have a disarming way of making a new reader feel welcome! I'll be back often!
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet comment, Shaunie. Thanks for your kind words. And please do visit often. It makes my day to know you came by. Be blessed, new friend!
ReplyDeleteNacole, thanks for visiting and for your nice words! Happy anniversary to you, too! Eleven years is definitely worth celebrating!
ReplyDeleteThat must be difficult. I know regardless of how much you love your family, it's tough to live with them - especially with kids in the picture too. But how blessed we (I count myself in there too) are to have loved ones so close and so willing that when it's needed they open their homes and their hearts extra wide to help through. Prayers for you as you continue to transition - even though it's longer than you anticipated.
ReplyDeleteThis must be hard. What a great opportunity to discover how much you can live without. Blessings on your trip to Relevant '11.
ReplyDeleteWe lived with my in-laws for a few months during our transition from city to farm. It was crazy, but we made a lot of amazing memories. A few years later, my father-in-law passed away, so those memories are very dear to us.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I also remember very well the feelings you describe here. It's hard to live in someone's home. I felt in the way a lot, even though my mother-in-law assured me that I wasn't.
ReplyDeleteI just love your honesty, here I am sitting in a tiny bedroom in a home that is not my own, living with my husband and my two children under the age of 2. We are living with my husband's parents, his grandparents, his great aunt and his brother. Did I mention I have 2 children under 2? So tears streaming down my face while reading this post, because I often feel so alone in feeling sad about living out of boxes, not being able to cook in my own kitchen, not decorating and just not feeling like I belong or own anything anymore. So glad to have read this and to be reminded there are so many blessings to consider given the circumstances. =)
ReplyDelete