Fragile.

I am overwhelmed by the fragility of life, tonight.

A high school friend with a promising future suffered an aneurysm and died in surgery, barely 30 years old.

A selfless and loving woman that poured years of love on the boys I’m now raising learned she has lung cancer.

A friend’s brother taken in a freak accident, way too soon… and then another, and another.

And I don’t know how to process it all right now, when I feel like I’m barely hanging on to the need for authenticity, in this life.  When I’m scrambling to pull out more substance from each of these shallow breaths and the weight just makes it all so hollow and I wonder what life is too short for.  And how do I eliminate everything but marrow…strip down to only that which is worth our fleeting time in this painful world?

What’s worth it?

Love.

Yes.

And what about laughter?  And tousle-headed bear hugs and conscious gratitude and two popsicles instead of one, just for today.

Silence, too, while I consider what gives under an awareness like this.

Which of these precious hours are wasted, even on things that seem worthy?  What is essential and what to do with all the rest?  

“Seize life!  Eat bread with gusto,

Drink wine with a robust heart.

Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure!

Dress festively every morning.

Don’t skimp on colors and scarves.

Relish life with the spouse you love

Each and every day of your precarious life.

Each day is God’s gift.  It’s all you get in exchange

For the hard work of staying alive.

Make the most of each one!

Whatever turns up, grab it and do it.  And heartily!

This is your last and only chance at it,

For there’s neither work to do nor thoughts to think

In the company of the dead, where you’re most certainly headed.” 

 - Ecclesiastes 9:7-10 (MSG)

Thankful, with Ann, even in this and in all things…

- Pain, for what it causes us to refine within us.

- Life, even when our days are certainly numbered on this hard earth.

- Rest.  And unrest.  In equal measure, today.
- No energy for sweating the small stuff, lately.
- This food for thought.

- The Scriptures, an unfailing strength and encouragement always at my fingertips.

- Wonder and possibility.

- God’s way of using tragedy to strip us of our superfluous-ness.

- Sweet, reflective time with my husband this week.
- A movie date with the kids, today.
- Having a close friend here, that really knows and “gets” me.

- New eyes to see the sin of self-righteousness in my own heart, and new hands to work the scalpel to remove it…slowly, prayerfully, and by His grace, permanently.

- Having an old-fashioned sleepover with my daughter last night, complete with painted fingernails and ice cream sundaes.  So very grateful that she enjoys my company.

- A word of reassurance regarding a complicated matter.
- A slower pace, even if just briefly.
- Iced tea with sugar, in plentiful supply this sweltering summer.  

- Big C, with a little summer job, and his eagerness to participate. 

- Kids, all full of smiles.