Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama asks us to join her for five minutes to Just. Write. without worrying about whether it is just. right. Imperfections and all... wandering plotless and brain-dumping with a prompt... here ya go... my Five Minute Friday...
Every day, lately, I ask and I wonder and I secretly wish to be released, from this or from that and I push on because service is what God requires of us, and I carry on, burdened, and wish it wasn’t always so.
And every day I feel the guilt because every day its more than I want to carry and I think of the cross and how much harder that was to carry so why do I fuss and falter like I have anything at all to heave and groan about?
Every day I think “this too shall pass” while I tell myself over and over and over and over “Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay where He put you. Stay where He wants you. This is your ministry. This is your job that only you can do.”
And every day I listen to the silence while God watches me act so surely in my confidence of what it is that He wants without giving heed to really asking. And every day it’s a subject I avoid, my heart dances around it and I shuffle feet around stiff-legged because I’m determined to do strongly His work.
Every day I forget. Forget that He’s already told me what He wants me to do, and I can busy myself with other worthy causes and He’ll shrug and nod quietly while I look and look and look and look for the reassurance that I’m doing it well until I exhaust and pile at His feet and He says it, with eyes and with sighs… “Are you ready, now, to get back to the business at hand? Are you ready to do what you’ve been told? To walk the path I’ve given you, or will your restlessness keep you busy for another day, faltering around trying to exhaust yourself with all the wrong work?”
Like a tiny girl, I hang my head because I know I make up these ways, and I tell myself those stories about why and how and just what good looks like anyway… like I tell myself stories about beginning again and what the grass looks like on the other side, and instead, I just write. And write. And write some more, because that is the business at hand. And that is the work for the restless heart.