I'm a try-hard.
Actually, I'm a try-harder, since try-hard never manages to measure
up. And I care desperately what you have
to say to me, about me, about my worth.
(As Emily P. Freeman says, "If you wonder what gives
you the authority to define me, I will say it is because you exist. I must have worth and it is up to you to give
it to me…I beg you to see me, to notice my goodness, to ignore my failure, to
be inspired by my beauty, to be captivated by my essence." (Grace
for the Good Girl, p. 17, 18)
I shouldn't do that, of course.
I know where my value comes from.
But I am afflicted with a syndrome that makes me ever
striving toward a make believe notion of good enough.
I am a good girl.
And this book? Grace
for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman…. Well, I'm only on chapter 1, but
it's rocking my socks off.
"I taught people around me that I had no needs and then
was secretly angry with them for believing me. Somewhere along the way, I got the message
that salvation is by faith alone but anything after that is faith plus my hard
work and sweet disposition." (GFTGG
p. 13, 14)
Can I get an "amen"?
…And all the bloggers said…Amen.
Maybe you're a good girl too.
If you'd asked me a month ago if I was a good girl, I'd have
shook my head. Nope. Not hardly.
Good implies … well… good.
And I never feel good. Not
really. I'm not even well behaved. I am prone to surfing the internet when I should
be cooking something nutritious for my family and craving a glass of wine every
now and then and ten minutes ago, I devoured an entire king-size Snickers bar
without coming up for air. I sometimes watch
rated R movies and used the "s" word yesterday and considered, at
least twice this week, running away to join the circus.
Good girls don't do things like that.
Reading this book, though, makes me realize just how much
good girls do do things like that.
They tell themselves all kinds of lies about the hundred arbitrary ways
they'll never measure up… and then suffer in the misery of persistent failure.
If you don't already have a copy of this book, do yourself a
favor. Join me. Buy it, read it, soak up the truth that has
already begun to penetrate my mask-wearing heart. And thank you, Emily P. Freeman, for writing
such honest and beautiful words that cut to the core of this people-pleasing,
try-hard heart.
Linking up to: www.mommadaybyday.blogspot.com.
Buy this book through my Amazon affiliate link and support
WhimsySmitten.com!
I have been debating joining in here, with the focus on Grace for the Good Girl. But I can so relate to Emily's words. I have wrestled so much with how people think of me. . . . And I am thankful that over the years He comes and comes again, to heal my heart. I love, love your post. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteLove it! and I think I am going to become your (stalker) friend :) Thanks for joining me on this journey...as hard as its going to be...Loved the try-hard blogger jab! Isn't that the truth! Love your authenticity! That is what true good-girl community is all about...
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer! I looked for you at the dinner table tonight -- bummer, you weren't sitting next to me this time. :) Oh, how Relevant has stayed with me!
ReplyDeleteYes, I just think Emily has really hit the nail on the head when it comes to isolating a single issue that resonates with so many Christian women.
Stalk away, Christina! :) You and I were a few of the lucky handful that got to enjoy sitting with Emily at the writer's critique group at Relevant and now, reading her words, I feel like she is again sitting right here, encouraging us word by word. :) Thanks for hosting this link-up -- important topic!
ReplyDeleteI do hope you will join in!!
ReplyDeleteI love your point of view and how you write your heart...so real and since I have met you, I can "hear" you say it. I love that! Happy that we can share this journey together!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I get it!
ReplyDeleteSuccumb to the peer pressure...just remember my beautiful smiling face looking at you over the candlelight dinner table...Join us...You must. It is your destiny! (Ha ha!)
ReplyDeleteThat writing group was so incredible! I think it literally changed my life! I'm glad we can continue pushing each other to be better writers and women of God
ReplyDeleteYou all make me smile! Miss you!
ReplyDeleteI am DYING to read this book, because I'm totally a "Good Girl" who is not quite in recovery. I full on begged the librarian to order a copy the other day.
ReplyDeleteMeredith - if I finish it before the library gets a copy, I'll be happy to lend you mine. I wish I could make this required reading for women everywhere -- I'm THAT excited about this book! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks! And thanks for dropping in. :)
ReplyDeleteI know - it makes it that much more fun to read each other's words now, doesn't it? I saw a commercial for cheese-in-a-can last night and was "aaawwww"ing at the TV. Hubs thinks I'm a little crazy. ;)
ReplyDeleteI didn't think I was *worthy enough* to be called a good girl.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading this, too--on chapter 3 or 4 now--and I See...I am one, too!