I'm a try-hard. Actually, I'm a try-harder, since try-hard never manages to measure up. And I care desperately what you have to say to me, about me, about my worth.
(As Emily P. Freeman says, "If you wonder what gives you the authority to define me, I will say it is because you exist. I must have worth and it is up to you to give it to me…I beg you to see me, to notice my goodness, to ignore my failure, to be inspired by my beauty, to be captivated by my essence." (Grace for the Good Girl, p. 17, 18)
I shouldn't do that, of course.
I know where my value comes from.
But I am afflicted with a syndrome that makes me ever striving toward a make believe notion of good enough.
I am a good girl.
And this book? Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman…. Well, I'm only on chapter 1, but it's rocking my socks off.
"I taught people around me that I had no needs and then was secretly angry with them for believing me. Somewhere along the way, I got the message that salvation is by faith alone but anything after that is faith plus my hard work and sweet disposition." (GFTGG p. 13, 14)
Can I get an "amen"?
…And all the bloggers said…Amen.
Maybe you're a good girl too.
If you'd asked me a month ago if I was a good girl, I'd have shook my head. Nope. Not hardly. Good implies … well… good. And I never feel good. Not really. I'm not even well behaved. I am prone to surfing the internet when I should be cooking something nutritious for my family and craving a glass of wine every now and then and ten minutes ago, I devoured an entire king-size Snickers bar without coming up for air. I sometimes watch rated R movies and used the "s" word yesterday and considered, at least twice this week, running away to join the circus.
Good girls don't do things like that.
Reading this book, though, makes me realize just how much good girls do do things like that. They tell themselves all kinds of lies about the hundred arbitrary ways they'll never measure up… and then suffer in the misery of persistent failure.
If you don't already have a copy of this book, do yourself a favor. Join me. Buy it, read it, soak up the truth that has already begun to penetrate my mask-wearing heart. And thank you, Emily P. Freeman, for writing such honest and beautiful words that cut to the core of this people-pleasing, try-hard heart.
Linking up to: www.mommadaybyday.blogspot.com.
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