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Friday, August 5, 2011

A Hole in My Wholeness

Five Minute Friday:  "Whole".
Join us?  Write for just 5 minutes, no editing, no fussing, no stressing.  
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I used to be whole.  I know what it looks like.  I’m aware of the source.

And yet.

I chase wholeness down with good deeds, commitments, conversations.  Pursue it with perfection-set eyes, just so very sure that if I was only good enough, I would be whole again.

All the while, there is a hole in my wholeness.

And in all my chasing down goodness, the hole widens and looms, gaping, and my tennis shoes scuff the edge as I brace and try not to fall in to the chasm between my goodness and His goodness – the hole that leads down the rabbit hole, into the unknown, into the giving up of all I ever thought I knew.

(I seem to be channeling Lewis Carroll these days, but I digress.) 

Goodness is not wholeness.

And man, how I have gotten it confused.

So my shoes toe closer to that widening pit and I peer down into the black and spin around, then throw my arms wide and…


Into my own imperfection.  Into the unknown.  Into the gap of all I cannot and never will be in control of. 

I freefall into grace.

In the hole where I can be made whole.  In the vast wide hole of faith and trust and stretching arms and heart wide open to receive what I can never do and never be and never give without Him.


Crazy, extravagant, stunning, radiant grace.

And in this gap where the grace rains down, I am filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:18).  And my goodness floods in the light of His goodness and I can take a breath and stop striving for anything I can do in my own strength.  The grace…just…floods.  And this is what it means to be whole. 



  1. Oh.. a lose of words at the moment. Just I needed that verse today.

  2. Beautiful.  love this, " goodness is not wholeness". You have given me something to think about today:)
    OH, and your children are beautiful!

  3. Beautiful writing..and in 5 minutes? Crazy impressed!!

  4. Stopping by from Lisa-Jo's, really all this in 5 minutes? I can barely tip type out a paragraph! But really, just so beautiful and real and...I will definitely stop by again.

  5. Thank you so much for this post. It was just what I needed to hear today. Your five minutes are full of grace, and I can hear it beaming out of you. I'm so glad I stopped by. 

  6. Oh yes! So much freedom, so much love, so much wholeness in His wild, unmatchable grace! Thank you for sharing this, Cara. Grace has been my word lately, and I'm working on letting it fill me.

  7. Unforunately, I know all about trying  to find my wholeness in myself, through my goodness.  Each day, minute my minute, moment by moment, may I fall head over heels into HIS grace...the grace that amazingly makes me whole.  Beautiful post.  Thank you.

  8. Wow, breathless from the beauty of this and the truth of grace

  9. Thank you, Chelsea. Your simple comment was a big encouragement. :)

  10. Breathless. That we would all be breathless more by the truth of grace. Thanks for your words, nmgracegal!

  11. Yes, may we all fall head over heels more often, Stacy. Thanks for visiting!

  12. "Wild, unmatchable grace". Indeed! I breathed that in for just a bit... tasted those words to remember the truth in them. Thanks Jeniffer!

  13. Thanks too, Hilary, for blessing me with your kindness. The more I understand about grace, the less I really understand, but the more I can be winded by the beautiful mystery of God's faithful, crazy love.

  14. Jessica, thanks for visiting and please do stop by again! There are days I don't even get a paragraph in 5 minutes, so you're in good company. Some days, though, I have so much to say and not enough time to say it, go figure. :)

  15. You are too kind. Thanks a bunch for stopping by and your sweet words.

  16. Thank you, Beth. It is a lesson I have to re-learn every day -- goodness is not wholeness -- and I cannot earn grace. Thanks for stopping by and for your kindness!

  17. It's a good verse, isn't it? :) Thanks for coming by!


Your comments are such an encouragement. Thank you for sharing your valuable words.