Five Minute Friday: "Whole".
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I used to be whole. I know what it looks like. I’m aware of the source.
I chase wholeness down with good deeds, commitments, conversations. Pursue it with perfection-set eyes, just so very sure that if I was only good enough, I would be whole again.
All the while, there is a hole in my wholeness.
And in all my chasing down goodness, the hole widens and looms, gaping, and my tennis shoes scuff the edge as I brace and try not to fall in to the chasm between my goodness and His goodness – the hole that leads down the rabbit hole, into the unknown, into the giving up of all I ever thought I knew.
(I seem to be channeling Lewis Carroll these days, but I digress.)
Goodness is not wholeness.
And man, how I have gotten it confused.
So my shoes toe closer to that widening pit and I peer down into the black and spin around, then throw my arms wide and…
Into my own imperfection. Into the unknown. Into the gap of all I cannot and never will be in control of.
I freefall into grace.
In the hole where I can be made whole. In the vast wide hole of faith and trust and stretching arms and heart wide open to receive what I can never do and never be and never give without Him.
Crazy, extravagant, stunning, radiant grace.
And in this gap where the grace rains down, I am filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:18). And my goodness floods in the light of His goodness and I can take a breath and stop striving for anything I can do in my own strength. The grace…just…floods. And this is what it means to be whole.