I'm a try-hard.
Actually, I'm a try-harder, since try-hard never manages to measure
up. And I care desperately what you have
to say to me, about me, about my worth.
(As Emily P. Freeman says, "If you wonder what gives
you the authority to define me, I will say it is because you exist. I must have worth and it is up to you to give
it to me…I beg you to see me, to notice my goodness, to ignore my failure, to
be inspired by my beauty, to be captivated by my essence." (Grace
for the Good Girl, p. 17, 18)
I shouldn't do that, of course.
I know where my value comes from.
But I am afflicted with a syndrome that makes me ever
striving toward a make believe notion of good enough.
I am a good girl.
And this book? Grace
for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman…. Well, I'm only on chapter 1, but
it's rocking my socks off.
"I taught people around me that I had no needs and then
was secretly angry with them for believing me. Somewhere along the way, I got the message
that salvation is by faith alone but anything after that is faith plus my hard
work and sweet disposition." (GFTGG
p. 13, 14)
Can I get an "amen"?
…And all the bloggers said…Amen.
Maybe you're a good girl too.
If you'd asked me a month ago if I was a good girl, I'd have
shook my head. Nope. Not hardly.
Good implies … well… good.
And I never feel good. Not
really. I'm not even well behaved. I am prone to surfing the internet when I should
be cooking something nutritious for my family and craving a glass of wine every
now and then and ten minutes ago, I devoured an entire king-size Snickers bar
without coming up for air. I sometimes watch
rated R movies and used the "s" word yesterday and considered, at
least twice this week, running away to join the circus.
Good girls don't do things like that.
Reading this book, though, makes me realize just how much
good girls do do things like that.
They tell themselves all kinds of lies about the hundred arbitrary ways
they'll never measure up… and then suffer in the misery of persistent failure.
If you don't already have a copy of this book, do yourself a
favor. Join me. Buy it, read it, soak up the truth that has
already begun to penetrate my mask-wearing heart. And thank you, Emily P. Freeman, for writing
such honest and beautiful words that cut to the core of this people-pleasing,
try-hard heart.
Linking up to: www.mommadaybyday.blogspot.com.
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