Rush, Rush... Hush, Hush

There is a laundry pile in my bedroom requiring a harness and ropes to scale. Scattered Legos lay like landmines across the living room floor and graham cracker crumbs wind a trail through the kitchen like Hansel and Gretel's roadmap. Little C munches on licorice sticks while last night's spaghetti pot still soaks in suds and dishwater. Girl Child's hair is tangled but her fingernails gleam with freshly painted purple sparkles.

This is what we've chosen, today.

Don't worry. The mess will be tidied, the dishes and laundry and landmines will be cleared… but not today.

The lot of us is up to here with busyness and interruptions – dental appointments and conjunctivitis, volunteer commitments, adoption paperwork, book reports, ear infections, dirty floors, church functions, birthday party plans and work to be done.

When I visited my mom yesterday, fiddling with email on my phone while we chatted, she joked, "It's okay to rest, you know." I flinched. "You don't have to be busying yourself every second."

I chuckled and she did too – knowing me and my penchant for distraction, constant motion, attention deficit disorder. Juggling with both hands and both feet and burning the candle that I hold between my teeth. It's just the way it is. And while I wish I didn't have to be deliberate about rest, I realize that even Jesus was, and how wise He was to be. In a world where otherwise normal people spend hours with thumbs jumping across the screen of their cell phones, electronically hurdling animated birds at neon pigs as if we needed one more pointless thing to occupy us, it's hard to remember that it's okay (it's necessary) to sometimes... just. be.

I scan the landscape before me, three prone bodies draped listless over couches, feet in the air, carefree giggles like soft music. The shades are open and the air is still, soft gray, not cloudy and not bright, as though the sun and rain and wind are resting too. All is quiet and calm and comfortably still, until C pops up from the couch in a concentrated tuck-and-roll, hopping across the carpet, exploding in imaginative play. A tickle war ensues, we catapult toys across couch-pillow barriers, and rescue make-believe princesses from make-believe dragons. We blow bubbles and eat marshmallows and talk about Jesus and hide-and-seek like we were born for only this. It's serious business, this rest stuff.

It amounts to refocusing, honing our eyes and ears to the vitally important. Filling our insides with laughter and love and peace -- fuel for the journey ahead. Tomorrow we'll be back to school, back to work, back to learning cursive and washing dishes, feeding the hungry and encouraging downcast friends. Tomorrow I'll gear up and scale the laundry mountain and these moments… these bottled giggles and captured yawns will course through me, strength for the road.

Is your family too busy? Your house too harried? Check out Little House on the Freeway, a resource for getting busy families off the rushed freeway of life.

Book Review: My Imaginary Jesus

"Matt Mikalatos likes Jesus a lot. In fact, he can't believe how much they have in common. They share the same likes, dislikes, beliefs, and opinions. (Though Jesus does have better hair.) So imagine Matt's astomishment when he finds out that the guy he knows as Jesus…isn't."

So declares the back cover of My Imaginary Jesus, the spiritual adventures of one man searching for the real God. The front cover quotes Relevant magazine: "Think Monty Python meets C.S. Lewis…" After all the heavy duty stuff I'd been reading lately, I grabbed this up off the Tyndale Blog Network list, figuring I could use a fresh breath of snark in my life, and snark I did receive.

The book follows Matt on a wild goose chase through the streets of downtown Portland in an effort to discover the real Jesus in a sea of imaginary ones… characters like Magic 8 Ball Jesus, King James Jesus, Testosterone Jesus, Political Power Jesus, Hippy Jesus, and Pure Reckless Fantasy Jesus. Here's a clip, taken from page 76:

"Nearby I could see a Jesus with a gray uniform and no mouth sweeping the floor.

'That's Liberal Social Services Jesus,' Bargain Jesus said. 'He thinks the best way to tell people about God is through service, but he never talks about God. He's great to have around because he keeps the place spotless. […] Sometimes his brother, Conservative Truth-Telling Jesus comes around. He has no arms. He thinks the only way to tell people about God is through hard truth, and he never raises a hand to help people with their physical needs. He's difficult to handle, honestly.'"

What I Liked

I loved that the book was set in downtown Portland, and as an ex-Portlander, some favorite PDX haunts popped up like unexpected friends dropping by… places like The Red and Black Café, Highway 26, Sauvie Island, Multnomah Falls Lodge, and even obscure ones like Pix Patisserie and Muchas Gracias. This probably accounted for a lot of my positive association with the book – there's something about Portland's comfortable weirdness that makes it the only acceptable city for a story this… well… comfortably weird.

I think Matt addressed some serious and vitally important issues in an approachable and humorous way. The book makes you laugh but also makes you look honestly at your version of Jesus, the biography you've written about him in your head, and compare it to the real One. It awakens the reality that we all are biased by a variety of false notions and we allow that to influence our faith and lifestyle. For this reason alone, I'd recommend it. I also think it's a perfect text for someone who isn't sure where they stand on the faith issue, or someone who thinks Christians are hypocritical or legalistic.

Believers and non-believers alike can gain something here and honestly enjoy themselves in the process. I think that's a tricky thing to do, and I applaud the author for that. Plus, the questions at the back are great, and in hindsight, I wish I'd have read this alongside a group of people and allowed it to open up some group conversations about the issues this book presents. There are enough philosophical and theological springboards here to engage a lively discussion that doesn't have to be a debate.

You know those movies you watch and think, "That would have been so much funnier or so much better if I'd have watched with a bunch of friends?" That's sort of what I mean. This is a perfect spark, funny and positive but serious at the same time, to start a discussion in a respectful way between people with differing viewpoints.

What I Didn't Like

What started out as familiar and fun, snarky and even genuinely convicting eventually turned daunting. I loved the Imaginary Jesus angle (and found that his favorite fake Jesus was a lot like mine), but I think Matt belabored the point a bit and I honestly think the story would have worked just as well with 50 less pages. Perhaps because it's written in a style I'm not used to reading (though I read plenty of snark and satire) – the sort-of-true, half-fiction, half-truth, sort-of-random-absurdity just kind of got old for me after a dozen chapters. It was a great concept, but I got impatient to be done with it when it became apparent that the wild goose chase was going to last 225 pages and end rather abruptly with the big question of the book feeling to me like it wasn't really answered. Perhaps that was the point, but it just felt a little weak and unsure and I had to actually re-read a bit to make sure I didn't miss something.

I personally would have liked more truth and less seemingly inconsequential drop-in characters. I did find myself wanting to know more about the real stuff he reveals in the story – more about some of his personal experiences that he half-shares, but were genuinely intriguing and interesting. It sort of felt like he wasn't completely committed to sharing his story, and so he made up some and filled some in, leaving the reader wondering what is true and what is made up, and it kind of killed the credibility of some otherwise powerful testimony.

Ultimately, I think it's a book a lot of people will enjoy, especially those who like (or need) to challenge their perceptions on faith and life and Scripture. It presents a huge and heavy spiritual challenge in a totally approachable and relatable way, and because of that, it's worth the read.

Disclaimer: Tyndale House Publishers provided a free copy of this book for me to review. All opinions are always my own. Product links above include my personal affiliate links. 

On Quarters and Unbelief

I am wonky and off-center, stressed about money and nursing a headache and cramps and a pink-eyed daughter today. I am waiting for too many things that are suspended in air, aware that nothing easy is around the corner, and I'm cranky. I am too little already to be minced up so fine, scattered to the dizzying tasks of making life in a world that is not my home.

It all feels so worldly and more than ever, I'm longing for fresh life, for a break in the rain. Out the window there is a tree tower leaning crooked, ever closer to our roof than the day before and I watch the tree suspiciously, envisioning the break line…sizing up just where and when it might crack right through the middle, splinter and split and sever and crush whatever lies beneath it. And I might be more like that tree than I'd like to believe.

I, too, am precariously leaning.

But I watch the clock in the meantime and cling desperately to absurd ideas and anxious attempts at control and count quarters, again. I click-clack on the keyboard 'cause it's my job in life and it's the only thing I know to do when I don't know what to do, when I've gotten myself in the same mess that comes around more often than I can stand to admit. I contemplate less, so much less, and don't know how it's possible at the same time.

I balance and re-balance and the numbers topple like the tree will someday. I order mistakes in my mind and fine-tune on do-overs that will never be done over. So I say it, methodically, word-by-word to myself over and over, that Word, that reminder, the instruction of what to do with our anxieties and focus this time on the part "transcends all understanding" because I am ever and always trying to make sense of the senseless, trying to give God an "out" on His promises.

If I could trust, I would know He needs none. If I could trust, I wouldn't be gut-deep in this. But my pretending has got me here, and so I grasp quarters like a lifeline and rehearse verses like a lunatic, over and over to find new life in the words, to make myself believe them.

Linking to: Imperfect Prose on Thursdays at canvaschild.com.

Who You Used to Be

Source

I used to be a housemom at a children's home in Texas. I used to be a social butterfly. I used to be a cake decorator. I used to homeschool my kids. I used to be blonde.

I used to be short. I used to be a single mother. I used to be divorced. I used to have a cat. I used to be an operations manager for a small airline. I used to be an egg donor.

I used to be the life of the party and I used to be busy, flitting from this activity to that one, laughing with friends all hours of the day until I collapsed, exhausted. 

I used to have dozens of friends. I used to write poetry. I used to drink gin and tonic. I used to work at a church. 

I used to be heartbroken. I used to be lost. I used to be a child.

All these things, I used up. I got over. I moved on. 

I am not these things anymore.

But still, when the day is quiet and I'm feeling purposeless, I'll grab hold of one of these old labels, and though the stick-um is linted and the paper is wrinkled from days of wear, I'll slap that baby back on my chest like a badge, smoothing over it every so often to keep it from falling off. This, after all, is definition.

Purpose.

Identity.

Distinction.

It gives me something to grasp when the day ticks by and it is consumed by shapeless piles of dirty clothes, bland meals, and other aimless wanderings. But it is a trick and it is a lie. Because if I stay standing in who I used to be, I can never grow into what I'm meant to become.

I had a conversation last night with one of our boys in Texas, a boy struggling with his identity in light of who he used to be… not sure how to present himself to the world when the landscape around him has changed. It's a tricky balance, it turns out, between building upon your truths, letting who you've been be the stepping stones for who you're becoming, and abandoning your past entirely for a new future. Sometimes, we only know ourselves in light of the labels we've had stuck upon us. Sometimes we don't recognize our own faces in the mirror when those labels don't stick anymore.

Becoming is tricky business.

What labels do you wear? What do they say about you? Are those labels true? Are you hiding behind labels that lost their stickiness long ago? Are you letting your past stand in the way of your present, or your present stand in the way of your future?

When you were knit together inside your mother, God made a pronouncement upon you. He made you something. He did not pronounce you an alcoholic or a liar or a screw-up. He did not pronounce you a cheerleader or a missionary or a pastor's wife or a mother. He knew those things might be part of your story, but He made you with a depth that goes beyond your doings and your labels. He made you beloved, beautiful, joyful, full of light or laughter or encouragement or nurturing. He made you someone apart from your circumstances. Without the labels, do you know what you are called? Do you know what your name is?

"…to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off." – Isaiah 56:5

I'm Baaaaack -and- Who Are You Looking For?

Source

He is risen.

And we begin again with a sense of a "new year" at all the rebirth that Spring will bring.

I'm glad to be back.

The Lenten experiment of quieting the social media voices in my life was redemptive, and in retrospect, I see that it was less about my giving up and more about my giving in, preparing my heart for what is upon me yet. In the quiet, I drew closer, I fell in love with words again without being a slave to them, and I also longed for the community of people that has become my extended family here.

I didn't miss the blogging business as much as I thought I would – I missed hearing from all of you, reading and keeping caught up on your lives, but the break was needed and I'm grateful that I heeded the call to quiet. There is much in the air as I come to life with the reminder of resurrection, my soul is stirred and I am always impatient for more.

Our home will be increasing, not with a baby of my belly but an adolescent or maybe three. We are both in the process of (God willing) adopting a teenage boy that we cared for in Texas and finishing up our foster care certification and we are braced and we are ready, as much as you can ever be ready for something like that. We may double the number of children in our home within the next few months, but this is not the first time we've been on this adventure, so it isn't as daunting or scary as it could be. 

Instead, it feels a bit like breaking in a pair of new shoes, this house we've made into a home bursting at the seems with life and chatter and happy chaos and the hard days that mean we're doing something worthwhile in this wonky little life. I want to ramble on and on about this, but it is something I need to tuck close to my heart just now until we have more to share, until there is more certainty. 

There are harder things too about me now – my brother overcome by the throes of addiction and us being powerless to stop what ravages and destroys. My family feeling the pang and sting of all the lies addiction brings like a smothering vacuum void where there is no oxygen. Grateful to have the source of life now and always all around, to be lifted up by holy breath and the learning of what comes supernatural in the midst of surrender. Celebrating beauty in all of this.

One more thought to leave you with today, as we settle into the reality of resurrection, move forward with what new life will mean to us now. The angels that visited Mary in the empty tomb asked her, "Woman…Why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?" (John 20:15).

So I ask you and I ask me… in light of the empty tomb, who is it you are looking for?

A lover? A spouse? A person to recognize your talents? A baby in your womb? A prodigal son to return? A person to validate your efforts? An individual to save you from yourself? Are you waiting for you to be who you want to be before you surrender? Are you looking for flesh and blood? Or are you looking for Jesus, who has risen?

Why are you crying, today? Who are you looking for?

Overcoming the World

I’m a mother of 3, and for me, pregnancy was a time of great anticipation. I loved the child within my womb and those who loved me and my husband also loved our child who hadn’t even been born yet. Their love for our child was solidified by their love for us. Similarly, I have dear friends who live far away from me and though we don’t see each other often, we remain close. Two of these friends have recently had children, and even though I’ve never laid eyes or hands on these babies, I know I love them. I love their parents. It goes without question that I love their children as well.

In the same way, but on a much grander scale, we put our faith in Jesus into practice because of the love we have for the Father (a love we have only because He first loved us, as we read about previously in 1 John 4:19.) 

(To read more, please visit me over at BibleDude.net today: Overcoming the World.) 

Book Review: I Am a Follower by Leonard Sweet

Perusing the shelves at the Christian bookstore about two years ago, I remarked to my husband, "Could they possibly publish another book about leadership? I've seen at least 200 in this place already. Someone needs to write a book on how to be a follower. The church is so inundated with the notion that everyone has to study leadership principles that everyone seems to be forgetting our call as Christians to follow Christ."

When I saw Booksneeze.com offering an opportunity to review IAm A Follower: The Way, Truth, and Life of Following Jesus, I quickly put in my request. Finally, I thought, the book we all need to help us transcend this leader-centric culture.

Leonard Sweet starts off strong and in the first few pages, delivers a few powerful punches. "The longest distance in the universe is the distance from zero to one," he writes (p. 9). "Show me anywhere in the Bible that says the ultimate goal of human existence is to be a leader. It's not there. […] The church is not led by leaders but by Christ. Everyone else is a follower. Leadership has led us to a place where everybody is trying to get everybody else to do something, and no one ends up doing anything." (pg. 24)

What I would have loved to see was a chapter or two devoted to the why of "followship," and the rest of the book addressing the how. Instead, the book proved not to be a book about following but a book entirely promoted to the argument against the notion of leadership. By the second chapter, Leonard is worked up and slamming the leadership notion into obscure metaphors comparing leadership culture within the church to cannibal galaxies in the universe, calling leadership principles nothing more than cultish celebrity worship, and getting rather spiteful in his position against leadership as a concept.

The book took such a strongly defensive position so early on, and although I was on the author's side before I ever picked up the book, it wasn't long before I felt engaged in an argument I hadn't planned on being invited to. If you are one who believes the church should follow a business-model hierarchy, you may find a mind-opening concept here. If you don't, it may just feel like 288 pages of preaching to – or, rather, battling with – the choir.

The book was a let-down for me, perhaps because I feel the title leads the reader to believe the book will be a study of following Jesus rather than engaging in a theological argument against leadership and would have been more aptly titled 'Why There is No Such Thing as a Christian Leader' or 'Why Bill Hybels is a Sham.' It missed the mark, in my opinion, by being a philosophical exegesis to argue against the notion that, as Christians, we can ever be leaders in any form. He does suggest, nearly as an afterthought, that we can, perhaps, be influencers, but Christ is the only and ever leader. I may have agreed with his philosophy here had he spent any time dealing with either the practice of influencing or of following in particular.

This book's concept could have been a great resource to encourage the Body to step back and remember our purpose, but instead, it arms you with boxing gloves for battle when you didn't realize you'd even stepped in the ring. That said, there were occasional nuggets of wisdom that hit on important truths.

"Pedestrian churches consist of people who walk with Jesus in his journeys on the earth. I am increasingly calling for artisanal communities where success is measured not in statistics but in stories told in an authentic voice." (Page 82)

"We can't force fruit in our lives. That's the work of the Spirit. Our part is to faithfully sow the seed of the Word into our own lives and the lives of others, to cultivate the soil of our hearts, and to receive the rain of God's Spirit upon our hearts in whatever form God sees fit to pour it out." (Page 93)

I have a hard time believing that there is no place for leadership in the church. Call it influence if you wish, but as a woman married to a man who oozes a truly innate ability and desire to influence and point others toward the cross, I can't make the jump into wiping it out of the Church in general. I agree that our focus needs to be on emulating Christ, not seeking our own success or prestige and that, of course, Christ is the ultimate authority and all good leadership done is done under his authority and pointing only to Him, but I believe influencers have a place in the Body as a part of that design.

If you believe everything you hear in leadership conferences and buy every book on leadership principles you find then give this book ashot. It might challenge your perceptions in a way that helps you find healthy footing and examine your motives. Otherwise, skip it and use your time reading the Gospels for instructions on being a follower.

Disclaimer: I was provided a free copy of this book by BookSneeze.com in exchange for my review. I was {obviously} not required to post a favorable review. All opinions are always my own. Read more product reviews and other information about this book here: http://booksneeze.com/reviews/bybook/9780849946387